Most people don’t listen to understand; they listen to reply. While the other person is talking, our brains are busy “loading” the next sentence we want to say. This is the Listening Gap, and it is where most relationships and deals fall apart.
The Three Levels of Listening
To become a master communicator, you have to move through these three stages:
- Level 1: Internal Listening. You hear the words, but you are focused on how they affect you. (e.g., “They said the project is late. Will my boss be mad at me?”)
- Level 2: Focused Listening. You are intensely focused on the speaker. You notice their tone of voice and their pauses. You aren’t thinking about yourself at all.
- Level 3: Global Listening. You notice the “vibe” of the room. You see the speaker’s slumped shoulders or the way they avoid eye contact. You are listening to what isn’t being said.
The 5-Second Rule for Better Conversations
Next time someone finishes a sentence, wait five seconds before you respond.
This does two things:
- It proves you weren’t just waiting for your turn to speak.
- It often prompts the other person to share a deeper, more vulnerable thought because they feel “held” by the silence.
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” — Peter Drucker
Action Step for Today
In your next meeting or phone call, try to summarize what the other person said before giving your opinion. Start with: “So, what I’m hearing you say is…” Watch how quickly their defensiveness drops.